Thy Will

One day I need to post all the songs that got me through the tough times earlier this year, but this song, this song sums up all my feely feels. My fave line is 

I know your good...but this don't feel good. 

Yes. That. All that. I know God is good - I trust that, but it didn't take away the pain that I was feeling. A broken spirit and contrite heart though...that is all God needs sometimes to do something amazing.

This song though. I remember it being so hard to sing when I first heard it. It was so raw and said all I wanted to say, even though our experiences weren't the same, God has used this song to draw me close and keep my eyes and perspective on Him.

-Karen

Fall Retreat

For the past few years over Labor Day weekend I have participated in Fall Retreat. It has always been a special time spent with other youth and other leaders and I always leave there with more insight and love for our students.

Last year was different though. 
I knew it.
Laura Lynn knew it. 
But neither of us could point to one thing that was driving our thought process as to why it was different. We saw Jesus move in ways that only He could, and we remarked, like we often do, "that's Jesus!". Her and I felt closer and our chicks felt closer, but there was just something hanging out there in the air that I couldn't shake. I could not stop tearing up most of the weekend. I was sure it was because I was thinking about my chicks. 

But right before we got in the truck to leave the chapel area, I felt the Lord speak to my heart and say:

This is goodbye.

I was struck because in my heart I was thinking of how next year (this current year) our class would be seniors, so I was certain that it just meant we wouldn't be returning to this retreat place and that we would be going elsewhere - all things we talked about around this time....

But in my heart. Way down deep. I knew. 

I couldn't share it with Laura Lynn, because she would freak out. 
But I knew deep down in there I knew it would be the last time I would set foot there and the treasured time with my class was slowly coming to an end. I felt confident that I would be able to serve out my time with them, but as the next month played out, it became evident that that may not come to pass. 

God speaks to our hearts in all kinds of ways, and his peace and wisdom is a gift He will bestow if your heart is open and ready for it. This weekend, as my chicks and the boys sit in retreat for the first time in 5 years without me, my heart is thinking of them. In order to let them know I am thinking of them...I made them a video! :) Last night, the youth minister played the video for them before the Senior prayer time. 

My love for them has not changed, nor will it. 
Father, please meet them right where they are this year as they make the next steps and plans in their future - may they turn to you to see guidance and wisdom and will you please grant it and blow their minds when you do? Be with them, comfort them, grant peace, guide them, sustain them, draw them close to you and use any means necessary to get their attention, even if it means pain. They are knowledgeable of you Lord, but I want them to trust you with every fiber of their being - I want them to see you show up in all kinds of crazy cool ways and I want you to grab their hearts and never let go. Thankful Lord that you never let go.

-Karen