Celebrating our Future

Deep breaths and don't lose it...
This is the day the Lord has made, right? So I am going to rejoice in it. 

We dressed in our best as we headed out the door. We had just a small idea of the treats we had in store.

Laura Lynn was adamant I not go up to the Third Floor of the church till she said I could. And since when have I ever listened to her? Well, today. Today I listened. :) 
Gee, I wonder what she has been up to...
My eyes were filled with such goodness and love. Breakfast galore. Notes and presents. And this....

Such LOVE! My sweet Callie painted this beautiful sign on a sheet. I couldn't have loved it more. It's still one of my favorite things.
I gave strict instructions that under no circumstances were they to stand up and speak about me - they absolutely didn't listen to a thing I said!
Laurel and Callie spoke and gave me a rope bracelet with charms on it from the youth group. One says - You are so loved and the other has three pictures on it - a heart, and cross, and an anchor sign. They said the Heart is because I love them, the Cross is because I point them to Jesus, and the Anchor because that is what I have been for them. 
Slay me. 
Lord, your goodness is overwhelming. 
And one detail on the rope bracelet - they could have never ever known in a million years that I had asked Jeremy for that same bracelet months ago. NEVER EVER! I even asked him and the girls, so did Jeremy tell you I wanted one? They had no idea! 
Jesus knew though.

They also made a video of pictures and holy cow...they are all amazing. The video is three minutes long and I can pretty much sum up my whole ministry with those pictures. They have been a true joy to love and serve...even when the times were tough, and Jesus was stretching us, it was still the best. 

Today we hugged those who stood in line to wish us well. 
Some had tears. 
For some this will be the last day we see them on this side of Heaven...our paths won't cross and we will lose touch. But for our deep friendships, those will remain. They have been the ones right by our side this entire time, their notes of encouragement and love will sustain us as we heal, and we will march forward in the love and grace from our Lord. He has this. He always had it.

To My Class- there won't ever be a day that you don't cross my mind. What the Lord did between us was good - he wove together a group of people where the common thread was Him. It's can't be broken, only duplicated. Go out and allow Him to weave you in a tribe of people He wants you to shine a light to, bringing good news of the Gospel on your way. Let your attitudes be that of Christ. Allow Him in the mess and mundane of life. Listen intently to His voice - remember you are the sheep and He is the Shepherd. That also means He isn't going to leave you or turn His back on you. I am here, but He is everywhere. My love for you isn't going to change. 

Love, Ms. Karen

Tetelastai

The statement was prepared. He had read it over and over to me.

We are really going to do this.

I can't believe we are really going to do this.

I have mixed emotions. One minute I am just sitting here talking, the next minute I am crying, the next I am full blown rocking myself like a part of me just died, and then I am asleep.

Is this grief? 

Dear Lord, it's so overwhelming. 

All of us are grieving. Every momma part of me is in mama bear mode - protecting my babies is most important....and yet I could not protect them from hearing Jeremy read a document that he wrote in some of the darkest days for our family. The days we felt unloved by leaders, uncared for by some friends, and days where if Jesus didn't carry us each day, the enemy would certainly devour us. I needed to be standing next to my babies in the pew, but I also needed to hold my husband's hand while he commanded the room for 2 minutes. We asked our closest friends to be sure to be present...and I stood where I could see my babies and my best friends and I knew Jesus was with us. I kept saying over and over "Your will be done Lord" even when I thought I was going to have to read the note myself. 
I looked over the most sweetest faces in my Sunday School class this morning - some of them knew what is around the corner, and the others, well they were surely blindsided by it. My heart aches for them.

BUT, GOD.

Jesus is so good, y'all. 
Jesus. Is. Good. 
Even when the circumstance doesn't feel good. I trust that His plan is for me.

I can honestly say that and not hesitate, and without throwing up in my mouth every few days.

The enemy is not good though and he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And he thought he would invade a group of people and that the end would be destruction for our family, BUT. GOD.

But, God.

But, God....He knew all of this would take place and He drew us close to himself in the darkest of days, and even the months leading up to that. When we had no words (hard to believe, I know) we sat in silence and weeped over what might be. It took a few days and conversations with our best friends, but eventually we stood on our own feet and lifted our hands in praise to Him; we began looking to the future and today had to be part of that. 

It's never goodbye; it's always see you again.

But it is finished. Tetelastai.

--Karen

Your Will Lord, not ours.

Spring Break

Hilton Head, South Carolina

It it time to leave this place. 

I always, every time, no matter what, proclaim that I do not want to leave.

I want to freeze time, but that wouldn't be good or right...But I also do not want to face what is around the corner for us.

This trip is so much harder than any other. 
We only had a few days, and they were great and beautiful days, but I wish we had a week here. A week to sit and just be together. To hug each other, walk on the beach, and laugh and giggle. To not think about the past or the future, but to be present in what is. The present is scary, not gonna lie. I don't for sure know what is around the corner for us except that Jesus is the only thing we are sure of.

As we sat along the sand and watched our children play in the cold water, we reflected. We marveled at how the kids have grown and how resilient they have been over the past few months. We looked at each other and embraced the beach hair and sandy clothes and held our hands tightly together....ready to run into battle, and thankful we didn't lose ourselves in this one. 

Jesus as we are searching for you in all things, we desire to embrace the freedom you are offering. We run this race toward you. Be ever so present over the next day....and may we exhale with deep confidence that you love us, you care for us, you are with us, and you go before us. Be with us Father.

It's never goodbye, it's always see you again.

-Karen

Your Will Lord, not ours.